Good Days, Bad Days, Rheum Days

I had a rituximab chemo infusion today, and part of the pre med is a large dose of  IV steroid, so I am feeling very good (Steroids reduce the inflammation of RA). However, it also hypes you up, where you can't sleep and you are the energizer bunny! The infusion went very well and I tolerated the procedure better then in the past, now, comes the prayer that it will work! This 'steroid" feeling will last 24 to 48 hours if I am lucky. I will take advantage of the time.

 I posted the title above a few weeks ago on twitter, and somebody said, "that reminds me of Dr Seuss!" Yes-- it does rhyme like Seuss... today... I recalled a book by Seuss.. and dug it out of my huge collection of children's books. It is called My Many Colored Days, by Dr Seuss, copyright 1996. As I read the pages... I was able to 'connect" with the simple book in a whole different way--as an adult with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Crohns. Allow me to quote a few of the pages: All italics/ bold are from the book.

Some days are yellow -- a happy face... this is ME, before Rheum. I loved yellow and always wore yellow on rainy days, as my mom told me, it reminded people that the sun would return!
Some days of course, feel sort of brown, then I feel slow and low, low down. A sad bear depicts this picture... oh oh, Rheum has hit me, only, I  didn't know what it was...thus began my journey.
Then comes a yellow day and, Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I am a busy bee! Wait! Maybe I just had a 'bug" of some sort.. and I am all better now... blissful ignorance, I am not sick!
Gray Day...everything is gray. I watch. But nothing moves today. Oh oh... it hurts to move AGAIN!? What is wrong with me? I am sick AGAIN! I am in a major crohns flare and am hospitalized twice. This is when I become really sick and I am one of the lucky ones with blood work to prove my RA and Crohns. I am diagnosed with RA and Crohns. May, 2010. (my birth month, BTW)
On Purple days... I'm sad. I groan. I drag my tail, I walk alone. The realization of these diseases and what they are doing to me and my body hits me like a dinosaur (as depicted in the book).
Then come my black days. MAD and LOUD I howl, I growl at every cloud. Depression hits, Anger hits... in real life. This is MY LIFE... do I wallow in the black and purple days!? Similar to the bruises that methotrexate sub q injections give me every week? I try not too.... because the book ends....with this...
But it all turns out all right, you see. and I go back to being ME. Again, the depiction of a YELLOW stick figure. Rheum and Crohns take away a lot of things, but... it can't take away the ME inside... I am the same person... just modified to combat both of these diseases face forward.

To end....I am also a big fan of pink!  the words for pink are But when my days are happy PINK, JUMP, its great to just NOT think. These are the days, that I over due it, and pay for it later... "pay to play" as they say. I have to be extremely careful that I do not overdue tomorrow with this dose of steroids in me, as I will pay for it come Saturday or Sunday.

GOOD DAYS, BAD DAYS, RHEUM DAYS.....

What color are you today??

Psalm 23:1-4
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.He makes me to lie down in green pastures;He leads me beside the still waters.He restores my soul;He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil;For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Blessings ~ Kim